Marriage as Mission: Strengthening the Church Through God’s Design

The Hidden Marriage Crisis in Our Churches

The data is clear but often overlooked: approximately 18% of married Christians sitting in church pews on Sunday mornings self-report struggling in their marriages. While this is better than the general population, it reveals a significant challenge beneath the surface of our congregations. Even more concerning, women in Christian marriages are 62% more likely than their husbands to report marital struggles—with women in their 30s nearly twice as likely to be dissatisfied as their male counterparts.

"Frequently, not always, but frequently in Christian marriage, everything isn't fine."

This gender disparity in marital satisfaction peaks among those in their 30s and 40s—precisely when many families are navigating the challenges of raising young children and balancing career demands. The implications extend far beyond individual happiness; they directly impact faith formation in the next generation.

God's Design: Marriage as Faith Foundation

Scripture consistently portrays marriage as foundational to God's design for human flourishing and spiritual formation. From Genesis 2:24's declaration that a man and woman become "one flesh" to Ephesians 5's depiction of marriage reflecting Christ's relationship with the church, the Bible elevates marriage as a sacred covenant with profound spiritual significance.

This theological truth is powerfully confirmed by sociological evidence. According to research, 80% of church attendees under age 16 grew up with continuously married parents. While this doesn't determine individual faith outcomes—one in five young churchgoers come from different family structures—it highlights how the intact family serves as a vital incubator for spiritual formation.

"A resident father, a resident dad, is a key ingredient for faith in Jesus Christ, and that shouldn't surprise us. God has revealed himself for all eternity as father."

The father's role is particularly significant. When fathers mirror God's fatherhood—even imperfectly—they create a relational context that makes faith more accessible to children. For men to be effective spiritual leaders of their children, they must first prioritize being great husbands—pointing to the interconnectedness of marital health and discipleship.

The Cohabitation Compromise

Many young adults today view cohabitation as a legitimate substitute for marriage. However, the data paints a starkly different picture. Cohabiting individuals report:

• 85% higher rates of loneliness than married counterparts
• Significantly lower relationship satisfaction
• Delayed marriage, which correlates with increased likelihood of never marrying

These findings challenge the cultural narrative that marriage is "just a piece of paper." The commitment and covenant of marriage create a fundamentally different relational dynamic than cohabitation—one that provides greater security, satisfaction, and stability for both partners and any children.

The church faces an additional challenge in addressing marriage rates: the significant gender imbalance in congregations. With 42% more never-married women than never-married men in church on Sundays, creating pathways to Christian marriage requires intentional strategies to engage single men who remain disconnected from church communities.

Trusting Him, Shaping Me, Restoring Us

• Trusting Him: God's design for marriage isn't arbitrary or outdated—it's rooted in His wisdom about human flourishing. The data confirms what Scripture teaches: marriage provides a unique foundation for human relationships that cannot be replicated by alternatives. Trust that God's pattern for marriage reflects His goodness and care for humanity.
• Shaping Me: In marriage, we have the opportunity to practice Christ-like humanity by dying to self-centeredness daily and embracing the sacrificial love modeled at the cross. By submitting to Jesus' discipleship in our marriages, we're transformed into the fully human people God designed us to be.
• Restoring Us: The church must move beyond defensive postures about marriage to proactive strategies that strengthen existing marriages and create pathways to new ones. This includes speaking to the gender imbalance in our congregations and providing substantive marriage ministry that speaks to the real challenges couples face.

How to Respond: Practical Steps

1. Prioritize marriage ministry in your church, recognizing that nearly one in five married congregants are struggling.
2. Create forums for honest conversation about marital challenges, especially ones that allow women's experiences to be heard and addressed.
3. Develop creative outreach to engage single men in your community, addressing the gender imbalance in congregations.
4. Teach about the differences between marriage and cohabitation, using both biblical teaching and contemporary research.
5. Mentor younger couples through the challenging early years of marriage, particularly during the child-raising stage when satisfaction typically dips.

Rebuilding the Foundation

Marriage isn’t just one lifestyle option among many—it’s a cornerstone for both spiritual formation and cultural renewal. When it feels like the culture is burning, De Gance brings the challenge into sharp focus: “The family is the fire, and nothing else matters, really, if we don’t put it out.”

Our churches and communities cannot thrive while marriages are struggling or declining. By understanding God's design for marriage, embracing its challenges, and intentionally cultivating healthy marriages, we contribute to not just individual happiness but the transmission of faith to future generations.

Want to go deeper? Explore more videos and resources that equip you to build strong, biblically-grounded marriages at IdentityProject.tv/explore.