Jesus Was Single. Why Don’t We Talk About That More?

The Unintentional Exclusion Crisis

Churches across America face a growing disconnect. While many congregations consist of 50% or more single adults (never married, divorced, or widowed), our programming, sermons, and community life often revolve around marriage and family. This unintentional marginalization sends harmful messages:

• Singleness is a problem to be fixed
• Being unmarried is just a temporary holding pattern
• Single status is somehow "less than" married status

"Oftentimes our solution is “Let me find a date for you, I know you’re going to love this guy.” So we’ll solve this problem quickly by getting you matched up and married off." — Linda Noble

This exclusive focus creates spiritual casualties. Singles often feel invisible or that their discipleship journey matters less. Churches inadvertently communicate that full participation in God's kingdom requires a spouse—a message that contradicts the very essence of the gospel's inclusivity and fails to acknowledge Jesus's own singleness.

God's Design: Union Beyond Marriage

Scripture offers a fundamentally different framework than our marriage-obsessed culture. The Bible begins with creation and ends with a wedding feast—not between human couples, but between Christ and His Church (Revelation 19:7-9). This cosmic narrative reveals that human marriage has always been a signpost pointing to something greater.

Biblical affirmations of singleness:

• Jesus Himself confirms in Matthew 22:30 that marriage is temporal, not eternal: "At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven."
• The Apostle Paul, writing in 1 Corinthians 7, not only validates singleness but actually recommends it for those with the gift, noting its spiritual advantages: "An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord... I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:32, 35).
• Most profoundly, Jesus Christ—the most complete, flourishing human who ever lived—remained single His entire earthly life. He demonstrated that human wholeness comes not from romantic partnership but from communion with the Father.

The Tahiti Confusion: Mistaking the Sign for the Destination

The modern church has developed a theology of marriage that often elevates the sign above the reality it points to. Like travelers who confuse an airport gate sign for the actual destination, we've placed marriage on a pedestal it was never meant to occupy.

Pretend you’ve dreamed for years about visiting Tahiti. You pack your suitcase, clear security, and arrive at Gate 32. The glowing sign says “Tahiti,” so you lay out your towel, change into your swimsuit, and settle in—convinced you’ve arrived.

But it’s just the gate. You mistook the sign for the destination. That’s how many of us treat marriage—not as a signpost, but as the end itself. But marriage, like that sign, points beyond itself—to something deeper, richer, and far more eternal.

This misplacement creates two serious problems:

1. For married couples: Crushing expectations when spouses inevitably disappoint, being tasked with fulfilling longings only God can satisfy.
2. For singles: An implicit message that they're missing a crucial piece of spiritual formation and human experience.

Both messages contradict the biblical revelation that our deepest identity and fulfillment come from union with Christ, not human relationships.

"Jesus never married. Jesus never had sex. But He lived the zoë life—the abundant, flourishing life—in complete relationship with His Father. He flourished as an embodied single man." — Linda Stewart

Our cultural idolization of romance and marriage is particularly damaging in light of demographic shifts. People are marrying later or not at all, divorce rates remain high, and many will experience widowhood. A theology that centers marriage inevitably disconnects itself from large portions of the Body of Christ at various life stages.

Trusting Him, Shaping Me, Restoring Us

Trusting Him: God's design for human flourishing transcends marital status. Scripture consistently affirms singleness as a valid, sometimes even advantageous path for spiritual formation, demonstrated most powerfully in the life of Jesus Himself.

Shaping Me: Following Jesus means embracing my current season—whether single or married—as a meaningful context for discipleship rather than idealizing a different status. This transformation begins by recognizing where I've elevated marriage above its proper place as a sign pointing to union with Christ.

Restoring Us: As believers develop a richer theology of singleness and marriage, our churches become places where everyone belongs equally to God's family. This inclusive community becomes a powerful witness in a society increasingly fragmented by relationship status.

How to Respond: Practical Steps

1. Recognize the signs
Notice where your church's language, programs, and community life might unintentionally marginalize singles. Are sermons filled with family illustrations but few examples from single lives? Do social events presume couples?

2. Elevate Jesus as the model human
Regularly remind yourself and others that Jesus lived a perfectly fulfilled human life without marriage or sexual intimacy. His singleness validates this as a path of flourishing.

3. Reimagine community beyond nuclear families
Create intergenerational gatherings where singles and families share meals, holidays, and everyday life together, modeling the biblical concept of spiritual family.

4. Give singles a chance to lead
Ensure single adults are represented in church leadership, teaching positions, and decision-making processes. Their perspective is crucial for balanced ministry.

5. Adjust your language
Replace phrases like "when you get married" with "if you marry" and references to "singles ministry" with better terminology like "adult community." Small shifts communicate big theological truths.

Journey Together

Whether single or married, we're all on the same journey toward union with Christ. Each season offers unique challenges and gifts for spiritual formation. As we embrace God's design for human flourishing beyond relationship status, we create communities where everyone belongs and everyone contributes to the kingdom.

Truth to remember: Marriage is just one of God's many sign languages—it points to the deeper reality of God's intimate love for us. When we recognize this truth, we free ourselves from unrealistic expectations and create space for authentic community.

Want to explore more about developing a biblical understanding of identity that transforms relationships and communities? Discover videos and resources that equip you to live out God's design at IdentityProject.tv/explore.